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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Lab

I'm really starting to hate PR. I mean I think I am though its been so long since we've danced. I remember loving him; welcoming him every day and smiling when he was in the room. Butterflies filled the air as I looked at him and knew I would be calling him my own again someday. I hate him now. So many battles; so many defeats. Why is he so mean to me? Why does he have to be so damn stubborn headed. Go above my head PR, and stay there!

Another failed attempt! Ugh.....hate, hate, hate! You remind me of someone else I know.

My body aches. My heart aches. My training suffers because I am suffering. I think I've found a light though. Still very vague and dim in the distance, but a light nonetheless. I see it flickering, drawing me in like a moth to a flame. Flame! That's it. That's what I need to get out of this darkness. This headache. This nightmare. This never ending slump. A flame!

Yesterday was the beginning of that flame. I went to The Lab gym in St. Louis with my teammate and new awesome training partner, Kyle. We had a great session, one of the best ones I've had in months. Still no PR to be found but it awakened that demon inside me again. It felt nice! It reminded me of my first weightlifting home at CalStrength and I felt like I was training next to Donny Shankle again.

Smiles. Roars. Explosions. Lions filled the room. We were a stand still quiet amongst the storm. Nothing made sense in there except our training. Kyle hit a PR (so I know he lives there). I will find him again and we will dance, but until then I'll share him with everyone else in the room. Rugged little home, but it was broke in to the sound of bars slamming and decorated with chips and holes in the wall.... so I loved it. Bars rattled off of the hips around me, my teammate sat behind me to cheer me on, house music filled the air and somehow on my first visit I felt so at home. I needed that. Wow, what a great feeling to have after the shit I've had to deal with lately. It was a moment of peace where lately there is none. It was a flame and I brought the match. Keep burning fire. Keep me warm and alive on the inside cause lately I've felt so cold. Rekindle my love for PR and let me trust him again. Let me believe that I am invisible and heal my open battle wounds. Burn brighter and brighter so everyone else in my corner can have some too. You keep going and I'll keep dumping the gasoline on. Thank you Lab partner for taking me and can't wait to do it again! Next time.....I'll bring my dancing shoes!

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