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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

When is Enough ever ENOUGH?

Inspired by Mike Cook:

At what point do you call it quits? What is the deciding factor between setting the bar one kilo higher or stuffing it back into the quiet, dusty confines of your closet? When do you know you're done, maxed, at full potential, spent, or just finally burnt out?

I personally don't know the answers to any of these questions. I wish I did.....or maybe I'm glad I don't? As an athlete, I push till I fall over, till I can't get up anymore, till every last tear has been shed or sweated from my body. But as  a champion, I NEVER QUIT! Where is the fine line in which the end lies?

Almost a year into this sport and challenges still hit me everyday. Challenges from PR's, from lack of motivation, from fear.....wait!.... from fear of not getting better (that's more like it) challenges simply because I still see a long road ahead and gas is very expensive.  I keep adding weight though. Even if it's not a PR, I add weight to doubles...somewhere throughout this all it breaks down to a victory, right? I fight the bar and the bar fights back. Good days are fewer than the bad but when a great day comes it fuels me long enough to fight till the next one. Doubt will fill your mind but you have to shut it out. It will encircle your head like a wreath like jolly old St. Nick's smoke from his pipe on Christmas Eve. Tell it to go elsewhere. Fight. Send it over the hill to the more weak souls. The ones who still get shoved in adult lockers because they have no MOXIE! Fight some more. If this were easy every one would do it and then "Champion" would be just another term for "couch potato" or "lazy bum".

I don't know what the end looks like? I assume it's just like dying.....for me it will be. I don't know who I'd be without some version of athlete tacked behind my name? Am I anything at that point? Mother-of-athlete/s (I hope). Faintly I see my end but not because I have doubt. Not because I'm giving up or giving in. More so, because I have "life". I know where I want my road to go and I'm going to try like hell until I run out of gravel or hit the dirt! Until then I will set goals, break goals, and take the bar higher. I will cuss, grunt, and slam bars until I feel better about what lies at my feet. I will take a  victory when it comes my way and except failure only when it makes me stronger.

You? I don't know you. I don't know your moxie. I don't know your locker or your closet. I don't know why you cry or how far you can be pushed before you just GIVE UP! You do though. What are you? Are you a CHAMPION or are you just some other Joe Schmoe working to just keep up and "fit in" amongst a crowd of zombies? You know your fight, your self worth, your pride....what are you going to do with it? Be satisfied with a 1 kilo PR or add more f-ing weight and go till you collapse?? What are you going to make of today so tomorrow you can look back and smile?

Figure it out yet????


Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy Now...

The bombs have been dropped. The smoke has all cleared. Everyone is still alive each feeling their own emotions. What a relief. Can this all be over now? I wave my white flag. Truce. I shake your hand and smile. You were happy and I am happy now. No one wins in the end, but I do feel a little better now. Scars will stay because they are deserved and I'm sorry if the shoe doesn't fit as well on the other foot. The bitterness is gone from my mouth and all I taste is the sweet remnants of cherry chapstick. I walk a little taller, smile a little brighter, and can laugh again at life. Let bygones be bygones and move on knowing everyone each got what they deserved. I hate this part. You were once my best friend. I'm letting go now....moving on to what makes me happy again. You stay on your side of town and I'll make a new home over here. Keep your head up, someday this will all be a good story. Fight through your pain like I've fought through mine. I'm still rooting for you even though you're on the other team. Go on, do big things, thank me later for the fire I just built in your belly because I'm thanking you now for the one in mine. This will all be over soon. Close your eyes really really hard, get mad, and grit your teeth a little.....those lights you still see, well, that's ME. I made it through the darkness, I know you can too.