The bar.

The bar  It seemed to feel so perfect in my hands today. My feet, although stubborn at first started to move a little quicker, hitting their right places at the right time. Spreading and landing at a better distance apart, ugh I hate that part! Move your feet! How is that so hard? How does someone go from jumping 2 ft forward to not moving at all? It's little stuff right but the decider between the best and second place. No one wants to be second place, I don't.  The gym was more packed today. School is a little closer to being in session and all the overachievers have showed up a little early. I met new teammates and it's starting to feel a little better walking on to the platforms at Lindenwood. Some of them are a little too quiet though, it makes me nervous.  Support. That's all it takes. And belief. Those two things and you can conquer anything. Knowing someone, whoever that is, has your back when you fall is such a courageous feeling. It allows you to pick that bar back up when you lose it behind and just do it again without worry that it's going to be another fail. Or just get through life in general. Change. It sucks. A feeling of starting all over again. Change this, keep that....will it ever feel natural again? I hope so. I believe it will. I can't wait till it does. So much going on and all I want is comfort again so I can find my peace. The clutter in my head makes me nauseous. It makes me think and when I think sometimes I doesn't make sense.... Kind of like this blog. I'm not sure what sense is anymore. Maybe one day it will all come back to me. Until then I'm going to just ride this wave and see where it takes me. Thanks for the vent....I hope it helped someone out there.