Tarnished Trophy

I sit here awake in bed. My thoughts are like 20/20 vision in the dark and my visions are like a kid with ADHD. Light weights today, tomorrow heavy again. Happy one second and ready to rip faces off dragons the next. I close my eyes only to see what it is my mind keeps thinking. I like it though. I like the world in my head. I like it so much I just want to sleep but I can't....this world makes my heart race. It plays in high definition with the volume on max. A ticking time bomb inside my chest.....pushed to the limit everyday, just waiting for you to make that call and for everything to blow up.

The humidity makes me sweat. You make me sick. Jayden wakes up in the middle of the night calling for "mama". I roll over and pet her back to sleep. Training is hard but it's not my only test of strength. I want more. I want it all. I want to make it big while I watch you hurt in that rearview mirror.

Wrap your knees for these pistols skank, you're going to need every bit of help you can get. Come here, I'll give you a hug! Watch me as I knock out reps without stopping and use your max weights in my warm up. CrossFit SchmossFit, you can't beat me, but you can have this....It's not my best trophy, I brought the best one with me.  Sit it up on your table and watch it closely cause in enough time someone else will run off with it again. Tempting on the outside made of priceless gold but on the in, lies and deception. Too bad the tarnish will never rub off and it's left stained forever.

Blog after blog I've deleted lately because my zombie fingers take over and try to get even. I pull back even though it feels so good. I save them because they've actually been some of my finer pieces of work. I read them as inspiration for myself and I laugh knowing you're such a fool. I know what's important and I have it. Fearless and confident everything else will come. I'll put my fight to better use now. PR......you better wrap your damn knees!!

“If you are going to be a champion, you must be willing to pay a greater price.”

~Bud Wilkinson~

The Lab

I'm really starting to hate PR. I mean I think I am though its been so long since we've danced. I remember loving him; welcoming him every day and smiling when he was in the room. Butterflies filled the air as I looked at him and knew I would be calling him my own again someday. I hate him now. So many battles; so many defeats. Why is he so mean to me? Why does he have to be so damn stubborn headed. Go above my head PR, and stay there!

Another failed attempt! Ugh.....hate, hate, hate! You remind me of someone else I know.

My body aches. My heart aches. My training suffers because I am suffering. I think I've found a light though. Still very vague and dim in the distance, but a light nonetheless. I see it flickering, drawing me in like a moth to a flame. Flame! That's it. That's what I need to get out of this darkness. This headache. This nightmare. This never ending slump. A flame!

Yesterday was the beginning of that flame. I went to The Lab gym in St. Louis with my teammate and new awesome training partner, Kyle. We had a great session, one of the best ones I've had in months. Still no PR to be found but it awakened that demon inside me again. It felt nice! It reminded me of my first weightlifting home at CalStrength and I felt like I was training next to Donny Shankle again.

Smiles. Roars. Explosions. Lions filled the room. We were a stand still quiet amongst the storm. Nothing made sense in there except our training. Kyle hit a PR (so I know he lives there). I will find him again and we will dance, but until then I'll share him with everyone else in the room. Rugged little home, but it was broke in to the sound of bars slamming and decorated with chips and holes in the wall.... so I loved it. Bars rattled off of the hips around me, my teammate sat behind me to cheer me on, house music filled the air and somehow on my first visit I felt so at home. I needed that. Wow, what a great feeling to have after the shit I've had to deal with lately. It was a moment of peace where lately there is none. It was a flame and I brought the match. Keep burning fire. Keep me warm and alive on the inside cause lately I've felt so cold. Rekindle my love for PR and let me trust him again. Let me believe that I am invisible and heal my open battle wounds. Burn brighter and brighter so everyone else in my corner can have some too. You keep going and I'll keep dumping the gasoline on. Thank you Lab partner for taking me and can't wait to do it again! Next time.....I'll bring my dancing shoes!

To all the Daddy Bears in the world!!

I just want to say Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful Daddies out there, especially to mine who is always there for me and now more than ever my rock that I look up to and come to when I need a shoulder to cry on.

I love you Daddy!

Training!

Well I thought life would be a little less crazy as I left CalStrength and traveled across the country to new ventures. It hasn't though. I'm set on the idea that life is just crazy. Forest Gump was right, you really just never know what you're going to get. Of all the things going on in my life right now, one thing is still for sure....training is hard and I am loving it. Coach Ma is working every inch of my body with accessory work and I'm doing just as he asks. I feel a little more CrossFit lately as my body aches and hurts when I move, even more than the old aches and pains of before. I love it though, did I already mention that? The team, even though I haven't met all of them yet, is awesome! I like them a lot, even though they could never replace my first family at CS. I still find myself talking and thinking about them. Jon, Tom, Donny and all the others wondering how they're all doing and wishing we were all together dancing on platforms in the same room again. Change is good though, it makes us grow as people. Stronger on the bar and braver in real life. When you can adapt to change you can take on the World, and only Champions take on the World. I love my new home. I love being back in the arms of my family. I love watching my daughter run around playing in the water with her little cousin. I love the opportunity at my feet and I am taking it in full stride! I sometimes forget how strong I really am until life throws these moments of true strength right in my face. I'm ready though. I'm mad. I'm confident. And I'm determined. I'm Wonder Woman....remember!

Second Chances are Sometimes Worth the Wait

It is absolutely crazy to look at life and think we actually have it all figured out. I mean, what does it mean to plan anymore? Is there even such a thing? People plan to have a baby when they have the money saved up for it but is there ever enough money? People plan to finish school and become doctors without any rough spots or disappointments? People plan what they are going to do tomorrow and then their car blows up today? I planned for all of these things and nothing went as PLANNED.  But breaking the plan doesn't mean you've failed....it doesn't even mean that you have to quit trying. Success never came without a little failure and it sure never came to those to who gave up. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I am one of those believers that everything happens for a reason and I believe my reason is here. As  I've been mentioning in my blogs over the last little while, big things are happening in my life. I have decided to uproot myself from California and all I known for the last five years. I have decided to take what I've learned at CalStrength and put it further to work while I better my education. I have been offered the opportunity to lift on scholarship at Lindenwood University in St. Charles, MO under new supervision of Coach Jianping Ma and finish my education and I am taking it.

I am beyond excited for this opportunity and can't wait to see what comes next in this bigger plan. However, as one door opens I am sad as the other door closes. I truly loved my stay at California Strength and appreciate all the time that my Coach and basically founder Glenn Pendlay had to give me and I take away a knowledge that others would only dream to receive. The man took me in as a crazy CrossFitter and turned me into a crazy lifter. Out of the two, I'm not sure which is more sane? I am also grateful for the chance I had to lift with some of the best guys in the United States! On top of being wonderful athletes and lifters they were some of my best friends and comrades as well. I take a little from each of them on to my next step in this sport and I already can't wait till the day we all meet again! It will be a big family reunion that's for sure. I also thank Dave and Kathryn Spitz, Matt and Haley Johnson,  and Peter Bauman at CalStrength for giving me all the encouragement in the world while training in their facility and also a HUGE thank you to Muscle Driver USA for my sponsorship over the last year. Lastly, a thank you to my family for allowing me to leave and follow my dreams even if they are half way back across the country! These are such huge things in my life that even a thank you can't even begin to show my appreciation for.

It is such a sad thing to leave what you know in desire for something else but everyone knows life doesn't come easy. As a person you grow and feed off of these chances in life to change the world...or at least your own world! I take this opportunity head first and laugh at the thought that even though I still don't have it all PLANNED out I.WILL.NOT.FAIL. I will take this one day and one lift at a time. I will focus on what I have in front on me. I will make the NOW my very best EFFORT for TOMORROW! I am so so happy to be a Lindenwood Lion and I can't wait to see what's next for me. Stay tuned followers, because I'm about to even Wow myself!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO!!! Love you all!!!

Wonder Woman Lindsay Taylor